Flirt Scene Blog Fest

First, don't forget to put your most interesting interview question you can think of in the comments of my 100th Follower Contest post. Winner gets featured in said interview on my blog, and gets a nifty golden flash drive :)

But now it's

Blog Fest Time! 

Here's my entry for Critique This WIP's Flirt Scene Blogfest. Pop on over and read the other entries, whydoncha -- they're hot! Below is just a lil som'thin som'thin I put together for this little event:
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Karen crashed her way inside the hauler, fingers already clawing the neck strap of her firesuit away from her throat. After her noisy clamber up the metal steps, the silence drew her up short. She curled her fingers into the padding of her helmet, dangling it from her fingertips like her crew chief's name dangled from her lips. "Lude?" Karen said. "What's going on?"

Silence curled around her like the gloom of the racing hauler. And that's when she became aware of his eyes--and the warning in them. Lude had backed up against the bathroom door at the opposite end of the vehicle, nearly lost in the shadows that yawned around him. But she could see his eyes. They flickered from her to another point in the darkness and back again. She turned, saw Claire, Lude's 10-year-old daughter, the lower half of her pale face covered with the brown fingers of Karen's assistant. They both crouched between the leather couch and the small dining table.

Karen stared at her assistant. "Terri?"  But the woman only allowed the barest movement of her head, nodded at something behind Karen. Karen squinted at her, not understanding. Then she felt a pair of hands draw her backwards; she snapped her head around to see Gordon Walker, the reporter from The State. He put a finger to his lips and drew her against him. His heart was a trip-hammer against her back.

"Quiet," he murmured, his voice a warm tremor in her ear. "Look." Gordon eased the trailer door open an inch. The early Thursday morning light drew a silver rectangle around the door. Outside, Pit Row was just coming to life--they'd made it a point to pull into Darlington at o'dark-thirty so Karen Lemmings could whip up some much-needed mojo before qualifiers on Friday. She'd just started to feel it coming back, Lude's new suspension like genius on wheels, when the first black circle had appeared.

A series of strange, metallic pops now ruptured the silence of the track -- a silence Karen hadn't noticed when she zoomed into Pit Row with panic trailing her like a tattered caution flag. From the corner of her eye, she'd spotted the second enormous circle as she rode the high bank of the turn, the grass collapsing in on itself to create a thirty-foot O of darkness beyond the fencing of the RV camping area. She'd wiggled from the number 12 Lady Gillette car, shoved through most of her confused pit crew and clambered up into the hauler, Lude's name on her lips.

But now, she felt Gordon's fingers tighten around her upper arms as another giant circle fell away in the center of the track. Cries went up like a flock of startled birds. Karen pushed her back against Gordon's chest, forcing him backward. The door swung shut. The gray light curdled the darkness of the trailer, and she had to wait for her eyes to adjust. But she felt Gordon, felt his heart, came aware of the stacked muscles of his chest in a primordial way--the solidness of the man behind her spoke to the vaporous panic escaping from her. "And here I was thinking there were earthquakes last night," he murmured against her hair.

When her eyes adjusted, she found Lude's glance locked onto hers. His terrified expression told her that he'd seen the circles appearing, too - but the flatness in his eyes told her he'd seen what she'd done with Gordon the night before. "Are you serious?" Karen whispered. "You're flirting with me now?"

Gordon's stubbly chin grizzled against her cheek. "When it comes to you, I'm always serious," he murmured. "Even with some crazy shit going on."

"What is going on?" This from Lude, who, either spurred by the chaos outside or the chaos in his heart, had advanced part way up the hall toward them.

"Where are your cans?" Karen hissed at Lude, pointing at her ears. "See if you can hear what's going on."

"I know where your cans are," Gordon chuckled.

"If you don't stop right now--" Karen whispered. But her hips, on fire under the heat of his palms, held no such protest.

24 comments:

Christine Danek | May 16, 2010 at 12:44 PM

This is really good. I love the ending. I really like Gordon's 'cans' comment.
Nice job!

Mia | May 16, 2010 at 1:05 PM

Ooooh, this is good flirting! I really like the "cans" comment too. Made me smile :~)

OMG, I can't believe I wasn't already following this blog *facepalm* Sorry, I will be a better follower in the future because DUDE I follow you on Twitter so how is it that I forgot to click follow here?? Epic Mia Fail. I'm so sorry :~(

Zoe C. Courtman | May 16, 2010 at 1:09 PM

Thanks, Christine! I wondered if they'd really be flirting in the midst of some paranormal event, but oh well.

Hi, Mia! thanks for the follow :D No fail!!

The Alliterative Allomorph | May 16, 2010 at 1:13 PM

Great stuff! 'cans' ahahahhaha :)

Tessa Conte | May 16, 2010 at 1:25 PM

If the chemistry's right, I think characters flirt everywhere you put them...and you certainly nailed that!

And yes, love the 'cans' line, too. ; P

Sharon Gerlach | May 16, 2010 at 1:41 PM

That was wonderful! Terrific tension, which amps up the delicious sexual tension. Reading through the other comments, I have to agree--I think people will flirt anywhere, at any time, regardless of their circumstances. This came across as very realistic. Your story sounds very intriguing. ;-)

Charity Bradford | May 16, 2010 at 2:34 PM

Lol, every time my hubby reads my writing he says, "Are you kidding? Why would they stop to kiss NOW of all times." My answer, "because they might die, and they want to die happy?"

LOL, I enjoyed this. I was a little confused in spots, but I think that is because I'm new to the story and your style of writing.

I liked this line: "came aware of the stacked muscles of his chest in a primordial way." This first part "felt his heart" is a weird image, but I know what you meant by it. Maybe just add beating so we don't picture her holding his heart in her hands--literally.

Very nice! I'm curious about those black circles, and this love triangle.

Raquel Byrnes | May 16, 2010 at 3:27 PM

I love how you turn a phrase...your similes are great. Especially the one about his name dangling from her lips. Great writing. I found you from the blogfest and am following you now.

Your story really drew me in and the inapropriate flirting...very nice touch. It broke the tension and really revealed his personality, especially in the scary situation.

Roland D. Yeomans | May 16, 2010 at 3:41 PM

Guys are hot-wired to be ... ah, hot at the most awkward moments. We even wonder at it sometimes. Love the "cans" comment.

And thanks for the praise on my entry. May be both have success in our publishing dreams soon. Roland

Roland D. Yeomans | May 16, 2010 at 4:05 PM

Oh, I meant to also say that I'm glad I encouraged you to write an entry now. This was really absorbing, and I would have hated to have missed reading this. Roland

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess | May 16, 2010 at 4:50 PM

Love the 'cans'!

This was a fun entry!I am enjoying all these entries so much today! Awesome!

Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Jenna Wallace | May 16, 2010 at 4:52 PM

I think the triangle makes it even flirtier. Good stuff here!

lbdiamond | May 16, 2010 at 6:20 PM

Woo-woo, nice flirting!!! Great job! :D

Indigo | May 16, 2010 at 6:56 PM

Loved this. As for flirting during a paranormal event, nerves have people react in ways you wouldn't expect. (Hugs)Indigo

Zoe C. Courtman | May 16, 2010 at 7:26 PM

Ha, Jessica - thanks for making me laugh with your ahahhaahaha :D Loved the lol.

Tessa, thanks! I didn't know if I could pull off flirting when there are, yanno, black holes swallowing up great big chunks of earth :D

Sharon, thanks for the comment! I'm glad it came across realistic - that was a challenge :D

Charity, thanks for sticking with the story despite its confusing bits - you were the first to mention the triangle (I didn't know if that bit made it clear that there was one involved). Thanks!!

Raquel, thanks for the compliment! I love using similes and such (judiciously), and this was a fun little scene to write. Thanks for the follow :D

Roland! I was hoping you'd check it out and tell me whatcha think, especially because you were the one who encouraged me to try this blogfest thing out. Thanks so much - love interfacin' with ya :D

Thanks for reading, Courtney! I loved your entry today, too :D

Jenna - SO glad the triangle thing came through. Thanks for reading!

Hey, Laura! Aw, thanks for taking the time to read and comment :D

Indigo - thanks for the comment! I don't usually write flirty stuff, so it was fun to try and blend it into a situation where it'd have SOME semblance to reality :)

bryan-sabol | May 16, 2010 at 9:57 PM

I'll have to say it as others have: great tension, but "cans" just cracked me up.

Great job!

Amalia T. | May 16, 2010 at 9:59 PM

Oofda! You've got a lot of strong images in this scene, and a lot of tension and emotion! The flirting at such a bizarre time really worked, too. Nicely done!

june | May 16, 2010 at 11:07 PM

I have to say I completely associate with him. My mind usually has one foot in the ditch just waiting to slide right in! The flirting isn't subtle & it isn't over the top. Perfectly placed…right where I would have said it.

Olivia Herrell | May 16, 2010 at 11:08 PM

The suspense sucked me in and I almost forgot I was reading a flirty post, till BAM, hot dude grabs her. I loved it!

~That Rebel, Olivia

Janelle | May 17, 2010 at 1:23 AM

I'm already on Team Lude...

I was a bit confused on some of the paranormal stuff, but it seems like part of someting bigger so I can only hope that I'll read more of it someday!

Like the flirting!!

Zoe C. Courtman | May 17, 2010 at 7:40 AM

Hey, Bryan! Thanks for stopping by and reading :D

Oofda - I like that! Thanks Amalia!

Thanks for dropping in, June :D

Olivia - awesome! Totally the effect I was going for. Thanks for commenting!

Ooh! I have teams!!! Sweet! heheheh - thanks Janelle C:

elizabeth mueller | May 17, 2010 at 4:59 PM

Ooh, Zoe, this is ssssizling HOT!!!! I really like it! Wonderful tension (Edgy and sexy!) Thanks for your comment on mine and sorry for the black on black! Shame on me!! :)

Zoe C. Courtman | May 17, 2010 at 5:14 PM

Hi, Elizabeth! Thanks for taking the time to read :D

Tina Lynn | May 18, 2010 at 5:06 AM

"And here I was thinking there were earthquakes last night..." Priceless!

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